We Roll Out The Mats with Charlie Grygas. In part 2 of our conversation with the NYS High School State Place Finisher-3rd, 2019 @160lbs, 3x NCAA Division 3 Qualifier, NCAA D3 All American 2020 @165lbs., 2023 @174lbs. Charlie shares his thoughts on what has led to his success and the life lessons he's gained from the sport of wrestling. And what he would say to his younger self as a high school wrestler.
Those of Marra Entertainment on the Marra Entertainment Network. This is Roll Out The Mats. Rob Giumarra alongside Charlie Grygas here want to thank our friends at Marra Entertainment as well for bringing us the opportunity to do this. Of course, don't forget to mash those buttons like subscribe and wherever you get your podcasts as well. Charlie, how are you? Good man, Alright joined by Rob Giumarra along with Charlie Grygas, New York State High School third place finisher in 2019 at 160. A beefy 163-time NCAA Division Three qualifier and D3 NCAA All American in 2020 at 165 and in 2023. 174 and that's a pretty healthy way and I've seen Charlie, he don't look 174, but he'll put it on you, right, Charlie that absolutely right. Alright, so episode two, we want to talk about a couple things here that. I think a super important and we kind of we kind of tabled it for this episode from the from the previous episode one and that was talking about like the off season but what I want to you know is that you know like as a as a parent. Asking the right questions and listening. In the offseason, we talked about the mentally, the emotional and the physical toll. From the last match. And then your first match before the new season begins and that. Between when you're off season begins. What you need to do asking the right questions as a parent, you know, maybe it's whether or not, whether or not they want to go to club. Do they want to do tournaments? Do they want to do both? Got to listen as a parent and I can tell you this from a from a parent of three wrestlers who? You know, came into the sport late. And when I say late, I mean. Probably. Uh, let's see middle school. Into high school, whereas most of the kids who had started wrestling and who they were wrestling against competitively. We're starting in, you know, in the wrestling programs that were seeding into the high schools and into the school districts. And that's how most high schools are doing it nowadays. They're they have a seed program where you plant the seed, you have a modified program and then that feeds directly usually into your high school programs and those modified programs. The kids, you start to see them develop and grow and you start to see them get into the high school ranks and do really well and some of which are burnt out maybe at times. But the right questions you need to ask as a parent and give you three things you need to ask one Are you doing this for you? If it's for you, you're doing it for the wrong reason. As with anything, as a parent you always want to do it for the betterment of your child. It doesn't mean that Are we do we get over enthusiastic? Do we get overzealous in the stands? Of course, you do, because that's your child. You want to see them do well. You want to see them succeed; you want to see them compete. But you also have to really check yourself. And make sure that you don't make it about you and you're not living vicariously through their experience. This is their experience, not yours. The other question you need to ask yourself is how is it going to serve their needs as a wrestler? Does it serve their needs well? Does my push in clubs, tournaments and everything else Does it? Does it serve their needs or is it serving my need to validate what I what I need? And then the ability to listen, which means it's a conversation that needs to be had. It's a conversation of do you want to do tournaments? Do you want to do club? Do you want to do one of the both? Can you have that honest conversation with your son or your daughter? Can you have that kind of conversation and does that, does that give them the room? Does that conversation give them the room and the space to feel confident that they can say mom, dad? I can't do it. I'm just mentally, I'm tapped out. Agree or disagree, Charlie? Absolutely agree, OK. Why? I think, um, I think you know. As we were saying, the offseason is the time where you make the biggest strides, so it is like one of the most important times. So that being said, it's super important to be pushing your kid in the right way because kids need guidance. You know, their kids, they're not developed, they're not as mature as you, so they can't always make the best decisions for themselves, I don't think, but. You know. Emotion speaks volumes and I think you have to listen to their emotion, absolutely. And if their emotion is not in it then. There's not much else you can do at that point. You have to kind of, you know, take a step back and let them figure out how they feel about this stuff. And I think the bigger the step back you take, if you allow them to figure it out, odds are it's, you know, their ideas are more than likely going to align with yours, I think. I had one of my sons and I won't mention his name because I don't want him to be embarrassed by it, but I think it's a I think it was a real honest thing for him to do. And that was he told me somewhere. I want to say 1/3 through the season maybe. Um, or maybe less than 1/3. He had decided he didn't want to wrestle, he said. I can't. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to quit. And I looked at him and I said why? I said what happened? And he couldn't. He couldn't put it into words or emotions or feelings or thoughts. And even to this day, it's still a mystery to me. I think somewhere down the road he might have the that might be a conversation down the road to have. But the one thing I made him do, and this is the one thing you can do, parents. And this is a good left. Let life lesson for them to learn. And I challenge anybody to tell me otherwise, so I. I told him how I felt. I had to be honest, I told him. But I'm not going to let my feelings dictate your decision. But if you are making this decision, here's what you are going to do. And I told him unequivocally, you are going to walk into the wrestling room. You are going to tell the coach first what your plans are. You're going to tell all the coaches and then you're going to ask him for permission during the practice. To speak to the team as a whole. And address the room and tell them. That you do not want to wrestle anymore. You are quitting. And that you're not coming back this season. And I made him do that for two reasons. One. For accountability. Because he had. He had accountability to the team as a whole. And to himself, to understand that accountability is a good thing. To have accountability in the real world means you care about what you do. You care about the big picture. You're playing the long game and not the short game in life. And accountability also gives you some character. And. You know. Kids oftentimes. And I know my son, he was. Bothered because some kids who we thought weren't as good at wrestlers were chosen as captains. And I said well. It's about leadership. If you don't, if you didn't execute leadership last year. And you're not doing it this year? Why do you think you deserve to be? A captain. A captain is designed. His purpose is to serve the team. He serves the team through his example. There was leadership through his ability to be the first one in the mat, last one out the room. It's the guy who's. Creating accountability in the room and a level of expectation that raises the bar in the room for everybody from the biggest boy to the smallest guy. Agree to disagree, Charlie. What do you think? I definitely agree. I think a lot of the time captains are chosen based on who's the best wrestler because oftentimes. The best wrestler tends to be a leader because you know they know they're the best and they know they're talented and. You know, they'll naturally lead because of that. But that being said there's captains out there that are you know they're leaders in a sense, but they're not necessarily good leaders they lead in. In poor ways you know, I you know I've had moments like that you know I we have three cats on my team and you know I'm one of them and I don't you know, I, the other two were very conscientious about. Telling the telling the underclassmen what needs to be told and you know hey make sure you guys get this done. We got to fill out these we got to get this done. Whereas I you know I kind of take a step back. I usually just let them do that because you know they're much better at that than me where you know I'm we're the. I'm more of the kind of guy where I just, I just don't really to be honest do much verbal leading. I just kind of I try to just lead by example and I think that speaks volumes. And I think if you could, if you could figure out what you're good at doing and you figure out what you could do that people will respond to. You need to just play that strength, yeah. Don't try to, you know, not, not trying to. You know, do something you can't do, right? Right. And that, and I think those are the questions that you find out very quickly as a parent. When you ask the questions that I mentioned before. And you listen well. And listening as a parent. You're not going to you're not going to get it right away. Oh. And there's a lot of reasons that go deeper into that, and I'm not going to. I'm not going to bother it right now but listening. Listening is a key, and that means listening is having that conversation and taking your taking your ego and yourself out of it to say, hey, what is he saying? And let them say it. Let them, let them take ownership of who they are as young men and young women to be able to have responsibility and give them, empower them with that because that's going to serve them well. So, as we go into the off season, we start to. You know, look at where's the best place to go? Is it tournaments, Is it clubs? Both. I think it's definitely both. Um, it's really important to be competing in the offseason. Obviously, it's important to be practicing, doing club practices right, but it's important to be. Putting those things to the test because a big part of progress is. Seeing the strides you make, you know, being able to see it work in action, right. You can understand what you're doing better and what you're not doing so much better, maybe. So, competing is, you know, one of the most important things. That being said, that being said, you know it can be too much. When you come right off a huge season, you know that's a long season. Those winter sports, they're long seasons. And you know when you come right off, there's kids who come right off and their parents throw them right into the first thing, like a week after the season ends. Um, and some kids can do it. Some kids can bang it out. Like some kids are just monsters like that. Where? You know, they've submitted to the process of their parents, which is awesome. And then other kids, it takes more time for me, you know? I you know it sometimes. For me, I was always able to kind of jump right in. Umm. Because I kind of just. I kind of submitted to what my, my, you know, not necessarily just my parents, but what my mentors were advising me to do, right. But that has to. But in order for you to, would you, Charlie, would you say that in order for you to buy into that thought process? And the physical, mental, emotional investment you have to make, even as a. You're as a young man. As you're starting to mature and grow, your thoughts are. Your thoughts are maturing, your ways of maturing. You're becoming. You're walking into manhood. At that level. Are you Are you the best person? You have to you have to first buy into it, right? You got to drink the Kool-Aid. Yeah. And in order to buy into it, it's absolutely necessary to have. Parents that are understanding of your situation and they know where you're at mentally because if you're not on the same page you can't buy in, I don't think right and the buy in for the parent may not be necessarily because of their experiences of wrestler. But maybe just as being mom and dad, who is these? Who serves as this arbitrary? This, this, this, this, this place, this safe place where I can express my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions in a way that's raw and honest. And it gives them a it gives me the ability to kind of say yes or no to this. Yeah. OK Yeah. It's just it's just facilitation. You're just helping them along, you know. Right. So, you're at your job as the parent is to in the offseason is to kind of facilitate how many tournaments clubs both you know how many days are you going to do right. Like is that that's a that's a fair question to ask. How many days do you want to do if you want to do this? How many days do you want to do Yeah letting them letting them kind of take the wheel is definitely important and if and if you know. That being said if your kids if your kid wants to slack off and you know be lazy that's by no that's not cool by any means you know it's important as a parent to push you. To be the best he can be. So, if your kids if your kid wants to be lazy, then maybe don't feel like, oh you know it's OK you know you don't want to do this. No that's not what this. I don't think that is what either of us are saying right. I think it's important to push them. But it's not important to. You know, push them to the point where they're just. You know, despising everything, right? And hating everything and it's and there's no perfect. And let's, let's be honest, let's be, let's be truthfully here, there's no perfect method to it. It's because each person is an individual and unique unto themselves. Their mentality and their thought process is going to be different. I saw that across the board. You might have seen it. You have how many brothers? I have three older brothers. And did they all wrestle? Um, they all tried it OK and only two of us were complete buy ins who ended up really taking the love for the sport right? So, and with that you probably saw, your parents probably saw a difference between. How do I How do I motivate this one? How do you know when to take a? When to give them a break, when to make them take a break? Did your parents have to have to tell you, Charlie, to take a break? No, no, my parents never did. But um. They left it up to you this side, you know? Yeah. I don't, I don't want to say I was like, I don't want to say I was like stupid, but I just kind of, like didn't really think. I believe. I just didn't really. I really put thought into what I was doing. I was just doing what I was doing, you know? And I think some kids, some kids are, some kids are OK with that. I was certainly OK with it, right. But then. You know, I have two other brothers and Justin who both gave it a try and they just, it wasn't their thing, right? And you know, my parents could see that and. You know, so they backed off. They're like, alright, that's fine, you know, Do you want to do? You know, so just the power lifter now and Henry is a huge lifter now and they both kind of do their own things. But when it came to me and Matt, we were both complete buying and I think in both senses my parents. They saw that and then they were able to. You know, diagnose our love for what we were doing. And in turn they recognized that it was OK to push us, right, because we were going to be able to. You know, I don't want to say we were going to be able to handle it. Well, my other brothers couldn't handle it. But you know, it was more something we wanted to be doing. Gotcha. It's. So, in other words, asking the right questions, going back to how we started this segment from the beginning is in the asking those right questions, you're asking the questions that that say, hey, do you want to do clubs or tournaments? Both. Or both. How many days do you need to take a break? When do you want to take a break? Do you want to take a break? And then just really assessing it from there and saying, OK, I'm going to let them, I'm going to empower them to answer these questions. So, wrestlers, as you listen to this podcast. The most important thing you have to do is be honest with yourself first. And that means the level of commitment. And that means that you're sticking to that commitment. I'm going to, I'm going to stress this again. I would not allow my son not to quit. That was not my preference. I did not agree with it and I made that abundantly clear. But. As a man, as he has to understand how to become a man, he has to understand that there are consequences to those decisions. There are good consequences, and there are bad consequences and the effect of having him walk into that room. To tell his coach and his teammates and have an audience to do something. He thought he was just going to drop his bag off; tell the coach he quit and not show up. I was not going to let that happen, Not for me, but for him. And it will prove to serve him better in the future. Because accountability is the ability to know that you're not just accountable for yourself, but for others and the people you serve, whether it's in a business. And great leaders serve. Great leaders know how to serve they. If you want to see an example of a great captain on a wrestling team, you want to see a great leader in the locker room and on the mat. Look how he serves his other teammates. Is he self-serving? Or is he serving others? I think that's the key to look at. Let's get into our escape. Three questions you're going to ask yourself every day as a wrestler at the high school level, Charlie. Having the ability now you're into collegiate level, but if you were in high school. What would be the three questions you would ask yourself every day as a wrestler? They are. At the high school level, so I think. The goals ones really important goal. OK and just to just to go off that real quick. You know concrete goals not goals like. Not goals that could be, you know. Changed, you know, at all. Very specific the more specific like, you know, top three in my section. OK or whatever. So specific goals. OK, yeah, and then. Asking yourself, you know. You know, I think it's, I think it's all this. I think it's very similar to college to be honest with you and then asking yourself. You know, what can I do to achieve those goals? What can I do? This is OK, which is, you know? You know, am I? Let's see. Am I am I skipping practice? Am I? You know, am I going to hang out with my girlfriend instead of going to practice? Right. So, there's the accountant self-account. It's accountability to yourself. Yeah, yeah. So that's, you know, obviously that's huge. And what was the third one we mentioned in the last one I mentioned in the previous episode, I think it was. Are those are those first two goals? Safe or do I need to play? Do I need to level up? In other words, am I am I playing to the floor or am I playing to the ceiling? Yeah. Am I setting the bar too low? I you got to be. And that's that comes back to what we were saying before about being honest with yourself. And I think some people are just, you know, I think. The world we live in and in all walks of life, I think there's in all walks of life, I think there's lots of people who are completely dishonest with themselves about anything they do. They're validating. They're validating wrong decisions. Um, So yeah, I guess that's, that's the last question is um. You know, OK, am I being honest with myself and my, am I? Do I know for a fact that, you know, this is what I need to be doing? Am I, am I truly doing what I believe is what needs to be done? Alright, so in our takedown segment as we pivot here. Wrestling resources for parents tracking other wrestlers, How much information is too much? You know, flow wrestling and track wrestling. They have some great components and they offer tools and resources that you can see on there that are fantastic. I mean, they are. They're really good, but. Shouldn't you be? Should you as a parent be tracking other wrestlers, or should you leave that up to? You're wrestler? Does that lift up to the, to the, you know, to your son or daughter who's competing? Well, so there's always this, there's always this thing that you know, wrestlers talent is like, don't worry about rankings, don't worry about seeds. And I, you know, I completely agree with that. Rankings are pretty, rankings are pretty cool and it's cool to see like a ranking, right, when you're like at the top, you're like, Oh yeah, I'm the guy, I'm the top guy. That's like really cool. And that that'll even hype you up a little bit. But then that can also have its downfalls right when you start looking at the number two guy like, oh man. He should ideally, he should probably be number one. You know, I don't know if I belong here in this spot or if you're, you know, a much lower ranking than you feel. You should be going to start thinking like, oh man, maybe I'm not as good as I thought I was. Six. Sometimes when you just go in oblivious to all that, all that stuff and you just focus on stepping on the line and wrestling whoever is in front of you. You know, it sounds cliche because all the wrestlers talk about it. It's, you know, it's huge for your psyche. Yeah, I mean, I think. I think there's nothing wrong with. With it, I think the poison is when you start to. Eat the idea or eat the perception that. Someone who's ranked higher than you is better than you. Or someone who's lower than you is not as good as you, and you deserve to be ranked higher than them anyway, even if they're ranked higher than you. Yeah, I think I've seen that as a parent. I've seen. Parents who put so much weight on it. Relative to a section or region. And when they when their son or daughter loses. It's like a monumental disappointment and that carries a lot of weight on the wrestler, doesn't it? Yeah, absolutely. And I think. I think the whole idea behind rankings is. You know, rankings are designed for the audience. It's for spectators to see. It's to bring publicity, I think, to the sport, to help the sport out, to help the sport gain momentum in the world. That being said, you know wrestlers end up looking at it, but I don't think it should be for wrestlers to see and I think we should leave it that way as wrestlers. You know, let the audience talk and let the audience get excited about what they're going to see. Like, oh, we got a crazy match coming up with one and two. But that's not for you to worry about. That's for other people to get excited about and have fun with, right? Exactly. So how much information is too much? I think it's just; I think we just answered that right there. It's just the balances are wrestler is understanding. You know, there's more than enough footage out there that you can gain on most wrestlers in your section and you're and you if you're going to clubs, if you're going to the same tournaments you're usually wrestling with, these guys are practicing at clubs during the week with the same guys. So, you've seen them, you know them. There's not much. There's not much that's. There's not much in terms of a secret. There's no real secret sauce. It's the it's the development in the offseason that you start to see. When you start to see the growth of certain wrestlers who are in the same weight class as you and you see their technique is better or they've been practicing differently. They might have picked up a new move, you know? As a wrestler, you know your takedowns, This takedown segment, it's asking the right questions and listening. As a parent, again, it's OK. How much information is too much information? You know? Should I be, should I even care about these ranking as a parent? Yeah, I mean. I think as a parent it's cool to like. It's cool to see the rankings and be invested because as a parent, parents are naturally going to be proud and you know, but you know, parents just go too far a lot of the time, I think. Some parents like and, you know, it's like, you know, when you talk to parents, you know, wrestling tournaments, like talking about their kid. Oh yeah, he's, you know, he's doing this and he's ranked this and like nobody cares about you. It's, you know, they're saying that for themselves, I think. It's like, look at me. Look how good of a parent I am because I care. And, you know, I'm making my son do the right things, but nobody cares. Yeah, I don't. I didn't. I never tried to make it about me. Now they're granted there are times when parents, you will do that because of your enthusiasm and the stands. And that's just, that's just human nature and like. And I'm going to give grace to those parents because the fact that you showed up as a parent, a lot of parents don't show up. And that's a that's a different episode. I will, I will certainly get into. For the simple fact that I've heard. From certain parents that they won't. Well, I'm not going to bother that right now because I can get off of that tangent and we only got a few minutes left, but I want to get to some back points here looking back. What would you do differently? Let's hit physical training. Looking back on your on your whether it be your collegiate season or even in your high school career, Charlie, what kind of physical training would you do differently? What would you do differently in terms of your physical training? Uh, well, when I look back at high school, I think my training regimen was a lot different than college and high school. There's a lot. High school's fun, you know? When you play in any high school sport, it's just fun, I think. I think there's a lot, there's a lot of just jerking around and, you know, screwing around and at practice, you know? Even in the most intense moments in practice, you know sometimes you're laughing and joking around, right? And if I could change something, it would, it would definitely be that. Because high school was fun and there's nothing like it. College isn't even the same. College is great too, in its own way, but there's nothing like high school. It's just. You know. It's just so fun. You just have, you know, there's so many good memories you make. That being said. You need to separate, you know, times of fun with. You know the times where you need to be buckling down and getting your **** together and doing what you need to do? Because I don't think I always did that, and I think I could have. You know, I think I could have achieved a lot more in high school if I if I put my nose to the grindstone and just did what had to be done. So, you've got, you've got the physical training that goes with the mental preparation. On those back points here, it's the mental preparation going into the wrestling room and in in hindsight that if you look back now and you would tell. High school Charlie versus what collegiate Charlie knows. It's the old adage of, you know, if I knew then what I know now, you would tell yourself the mental preparation, going into the room, into the mat, physically training. You know the physical training part of it. Is there anything you would do differently that you feel would? That you were physically capable of doing at the high school level. That you've learned at the collegiate level. Um, yeah. Lifting for sure. You know, I'm lifting. I lifted through high school, but. You know, I didn't like, know what I was doing. And you know, a lot of high schools don't have, like, lifting programs, whereas colleges do. You know, but. Lifting doesn't just necessarily make you stronger, it also makes you more explosive quicker. There's so many things it does. And lifting the right way. I wish I looked more into like lifting the right way as opposed to just going in the gym and like get on the bench press and doing whatever and you know. Trying to get bigger but. That's a that's a good, that's a good that's a good way of that's a good thing you bring up because you see a lot of kids who are. Who are strong, but they're not explosive, and you have some kids who are who are. You know, like I've seen some kids who are just. Just skinny as a as a spaghetti stick. And they are, they are, they are explosive. It's like they are on your *** in a hot second. It's like whistleblower boom there on your *** and it's like. It's athleticism. You know, it's a sport. So, athleticism is huge. And if you can't have better technique or you can't, you know, maybe you don't have the. Long background that your opponent might have in wrestling where you know he's more Matt mature. But if you could have a little more athleticism, you can be explosive and you can just wrangle your way out of weird situations. That's huge. And that comes down to athleticism, which comes down to lifting and lifting the right way and, you know, working those muscles to be explosive and powerful, physical and mental rest. Physical and mental, I mean mentally. Oh, mentally I mean, I think I did everything well, but I think just, I mean submitting to the process, just buying in and just doing what you're told. Trust your coaches and I mean that's kind of what I always did. Are you, do you think, at the high school level? In 30 seconds or less, do you think in the high school level you could have? You had the maturity to if someone had came come into the wrestling room and talked to you, talk to you about what we talked about in episode one, which was the manifestation coach that you guys have. At a Oswego State and then having the ability. To create a visual. And emotional and almost physical spiritual connection to the. To the vision that you have, you know of wrestling of that, that that you get so connected to it visually that you can almost like you can experience it, you can almost smell it, you can, you can hear the mat, you can feel the you know it's a deeper, it's a deeper level. Do you think you could have done that at the high school capacity if someone had introduced it? Would you have been like, look at this? Yeah. No, I think, I think I would have. I think I definitely would have shrugged something like that off because. You know, I think a lot of high schoolers are super naive in that sense, where you know all that that's like a mental thing that has nothing to do with what actually happens when you're on the mat. You know, right. And I don't think you're mature enough always as a kid to realize the power of manifestation and spirituality and connection with your mind and body. It's huge. Right, right. And I and we're going to do an episode on that. Where we're going to start to. For the offseason, as much as you do the physical part of lifting, knowing how to lift Charlie, understanding what that, what that means, what that looks like. It's the mental part of it. That as you said is so important and you highlighted in some of the things that you that you pointed out and there was the ability to in in episode one if you guys haven't checked it out, go back to episode one and check out what Charlie shared about it. But basically. It's the idea that you have the ability to create something because we're all creators, that's what we're designed to do. Is the ability to do it on A to connect spiritually on that level where you're literally just and there are different books that I've read that I'll share in. Maybe I'll do that for episode 3. We'll share that and some of the people like the likes of people laugh but you know. Wisdom is not just Gray here. It's the it's the ability to see things. And I have the benefit of not only being a parent, but being someone who's older and more mature, who understands that if I had known then what I know now. Oh, you couldn't stop me. You. There's no way you could get in my way. I mean you, you, you, you would get you, would you get a taste of it? And it's just, you know, it's exciting. And it's kind of like, wow, where is this? But I have not. But I have an opportunity to share that with you. I'll do that. Maybe in the future episodes, it might be Episode 3, I don't know. But we'll figure that out with the rest of the staff here. But that's going to put a wrap. On this episode, we want to thank Charlie Grygas. You know, of course, who's a who's a wrestler in Oswego States. Got the You're in your final year wrestling, right, Charlie? Yeah, taking the 5th year now. So alright, last year, got that. COVID. The COVID eligibility, that's awesome. That's awesome. So, we want to thank our friends here at Mara Entertainment, of course here at the studios of Mary Entertainment on the Marra Entertainment Network. Want to thank Charlie Grygas. I'm Rob Giumarra. This. Has been another episode of Roll Out The Match. Join us. Don't forget, like, subscribe wherever you get your podcast. And reach out to us on the Marra Entertainment comment website at marionentertainment.com. That'll do it for us. We'll have Episode 3 coming up for you soon. Thanks again for listening. This is Roll out the Mats on the Marra Entertainment Network.